Mayhem At The Mansion, which I reviewed this week, has shown me really clearly the variety in tastes in porn that must exist. As I say in the review, I am certain there will be people for whom this film is their ultimate turn-on. But for me it was an ultimate turn-off. It's going to take back-to-back viewings of Harmony's glossiest, most glamorous, OTT perfect fantasy fucking to reignite any kind of spark of porn interest in me for the foreseeable future.

I'm just glad I didn't watch it when I had originally planned - in the evening prior to doing a late-night stag lapdance party. I had thought it would be a good idea to watch a porn film as I had two hours to kill between getting home from my strip pub dayshift and heading into town for the stag do, at a friend's house. Myself and three other fab girls were to do floorshows for the 20 or so guys, who had arrived from Wales earlier that evening, and lapdancing for those who fancied it. Mayhem At The Mansion was the only one of my current Strictly Broadband review batch which I hadn't yet seen, so that would have been the one I watched. I don't think I would have done my job very well after that - even though the stag and his friends were all age 20 and 30-something builders, electricians and workmen who play rugby in their spare time (in other words, toned, rugged and fit as fuck).

But thankfully I didn't get around to watching the film then, so arrived at the party with my sex drive uncorrupted. When asking me about my work people often say "I can see how you would enjoy dancing for an audience of fit young guy, but what about when it's dirty old men in stained raincoats, isn't it hard to be sexy in front of them?" To which I reply that just because someone isn't good looking, is getting on age-wise, and doesn't have the money for a new coat, doesn't in my mind give him any less right to enjoying erotic pleasure in his life than if he were George Clooney. In fact I'm doing good, providing that for someone whom society judges unworthy of it.

I've performed for people of all looks, ages, and levels of physical ability and disability. I get pleasure from the pleasure I can see in their eyes that I am giving them, and it's a turn-on, even though I wouldn't necessarily want to get physical with that person. Far from what judgmental ill-informed people who have never actually been to a strip club (but are quick to accuse that environment of encouraging rape) think, this situation is understood by both sides - when I am performing I'm creating a fantasy - and enjoyed in the moment for what it is, without the expectation of anything more.

So, I don't need to fancy my audience in order to put on a good show and enjoy doing so. But I do have to admit, in some ways it's more enjoyable if I do fancy that audience - if a bit harder, as I tend to lose a bit of my usual onstage concentration and get a bit flustered! And that was certainly the case at the stag do. All four of us dancers felt it, and were giggling to each other at moments in our changing room, "how cool it this, they're all so fucking fit, and we're getting paid to dance for them!" The joy of it all was enhanced by the fact they were country lads from Wales, some of whom had never seen strippers before, and so were totally in awe of us and our dancing.

Those poor lads are now, as I write, on a barge on a canal in Norfolk (the best man’s great idea for the rest of the weekend), with no female company and only their memories of their night of stripper heaven. Apparently at the points when none of the girls were in the room at the party, the conversation was all about which one of us they fancied the most. From the texts my friend who hosted the party has been receiving, it seems that’s still their topic of conversation now. Apparently the votes are split pretty evenly between the four of us. We ranged from a six-foot raven-haired goth (myself) to a tiny platinum-cropped elfin beauty (my friend Joy – you can see both of us at the Strictly News party this September), with a perfect-arsed R&B babe and a muscular dark goddess in between. So, something for everyone.

Variety in us strippers is essential as, just like with porn, everyone’s tastes vary so wildly. One person’s The Couch (my favourite glossy Harmony flick) is someone else’s Mayhem At The Mansion…

Check out The Couch on Strictly Broadband.

Check out Mayhem At The Mansion on Strictly Broadband.