 Continuity In Pornography
By Scott Deathboy on 5 Jan 2006
When you're being told a story, one of the things you need is for
various elements to fit together. The evil aggressor in a space opera
rarely stops for a half an hour to cook a delicious, crisp salad for
his men. This would break his mighty and tyrannical character. If he's a
sort of misguided loony, that might work, but your black-helmet-wearing
ruthless star-lord-type cares little for croutons.
Continuity is important in anything with a bit of narrative going on... computer games, religion, films, or good, honest pornography. If something isn't quite right, it nags at your attention and breaks the illusion you're indulging in. Worst of all, it can really knock you off your stride.
Ever watched a film and thought: "Oh, fuck off - five minutes ago, he was vaulting out of a helicopter with a gunshot wound and now he can't win an armwrestle with a weasel"? - it ruins the fantasy.
With an adult movie, this is a much worse crime - the fantasy is half the deal! Sexually explicit imagery, plus a liberal smattering of fantasy equals good porn, so surely to fuck up the continuity in a wank-flick is an infinitely worse crime?
As far as I'm concerned, there's absolutely no point in having five minutes of comedically acted pre-amble in which the young lady in question (30-year-old professional pornstar) pretends to act like a coy, virginal teenager if five minutes in, without missing a beat, she takes two staggeringly large members into a place many girls find uncomfortable to put one. Where's the continuity in that?
I'm prepared to ignore the fact that she's "at school" without any underwear, that the fridge is genuinely broken, that Ron Jeremy's moustache is not simply a dormant vole, snuggled up for the night... but come on, work with me here.
The illusion of a young, chaste lassy, rather than a actress who's snatch is probably a tad more elastic than it was in her teens, is more than putting on an ill-fitting school uniform and licking a lollipop, saying "Oh, Mr Bainbridge, THAT doesn't look like homework!".
On the flip-side, you have Eastern-Asian material, in which the turn-on seems to be that the young ladies in question appear to be really quite against the whole idea. This doesn't float my boat personally, but at least the old scowling-and-crying schtick, is more consistent with the idea that they're pure, unsullied little fillies.
I'm quite happy when the scene set is that the girl is quite the go-er, like Donna Marie, and proceeds to ride a 9 inch tool like Fred Durst on Thanksgiving - because that's what you're expecting. And don't get me wrong - I'm not expecting sharp scripts reflecting the zeitgeist, lovingly shot and produced with startling attention to detail.
I like the "plot" as flimsy and minimal as the clothing, but if you're going to pay lipservice (hurhur) to setting up a scene, you might as well do a decent job.
One of the reasons I love the British movies so much is because we're still just a little bit more enamoured with the old "Ooh, cheeky!" storyline, with nods to the Carry On films. Playful, even teasing and a little bit more honest (dare I say it) than our friends across the atlantic.
Ben Dover features are a great example - there's always some little back story - the boyfriend's away, or doesn't treat her right, there's a bit of sneaking about, she's coaxed into getting her kit off and initial shyness eventually gives way to the obligatory rodgering. Yeah, we know it's bollocks really, but it goes the distance to keep up the pretense.
And you know what? That gives me the fucking horn.
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