One glance at this book and one is instantly aware of its intended market: its black cover with red and grey bold typeface screams of the packaging for Mansize Kleenex tissues for big strong men with explosive (nasal) eruptions. The book seems either to be for nervy teenage boys or tired middle-aged men raised in the deep south of America who believe cunnilingus to be a strain of athlete's foot.

The first chapter, rather hilariously, focuses on the perils of pornography (for after all, one’s girlfriend is inevitably going to be more ogress than porn star and these glitzy films gives guys the wrong idea…). I think most men are aware that girls tend to be a bit wobbly and dimpled, and – strangely enough – do not bleach the skin surrounding their anuses like their peroxide celluloid counterparts. This book seems depressingly keen to lower expectations: preparing men for a breed of women who hate the taste of semen and don’t want boys to fuck them in the ass: ‘I would say only 20 to 25 percent of women swallow, and although many women try anal sex at least once, most say it’s too painful to be enjoyable.’ Wow.

However, despite my initial misgivings (which did last for the first fifty pages), Lou Paget is a serious sex professional, famous across the globe. She knows what she’s talking about. This book has been produced off the back of her popular sex-positive seminars, which teach technique in a hands-on, practical manner. An example of a class would see ten men sitting around a table in front of life-size rubber moulds of a woman’s relevant anatomy. She’s been featured on sex tips programmes across the globe – notably the popular British ‘Sex Tips For Girls’.

In terms of content, I should have suspended judgement until I got to the juicy bits: although the first couple of chapters are embarrassingly patronising, there is a need for this kind of book. If I consider the last few men I’ve slept with, they could really do with taking some of her advice. The descriptions of oral and manual techniques are great. There are lots of clear diagrams which, although humorous, get the point across. These are backed up by extensive and comprehensible instructions. All of a sudden I now understand what it was that various technically excellent lovers have been doing thus am able to explain it to others.

Lou begins by explaining the basics:

‘These (see diagram) are probably the easiest and simplest positions to initiate manual stimulation of the lady and yet they are also the ones with the most bad habits. One woman in a seminar said, ‘If he did that ‘staying in one spot right on top of my clit’ for a second longer, I thought I would have to kill him.’ Another woman added, ‘Where are the directions that call for ‘find it and rub furiously?’’ [...]

Gentlemen, the good news is that you can easily learn how to please your partner by simply adjusting the motion of your fingers and hand, your tempo, and the degree of pressure[…] It’s a good idea to rest the heel of your hand (and the wrist) on her pubis mons, the area where the pubic hair starts, and apply gentle pressure. You should feel the pubic bone underneath the base of your wrist. This will also help stabilize your wrist and arm. In other words, keeping your arm and hand in the air will tire you out more quickly and affect the overall fine-motion mobility of your fingers. With your wrist anchored, you can deliver more of the gentle circles and back-and-forth motions that women prefer.’ And so on…

Although this book sits somewhat uncomfortably with the politics of feminism, it does have a point: most women are subconsciously nervous about their genitals and whether men will love them – really enjoy being up close and personal with these parts that we’ve culturally been taught are ‘dirty’.

Despite its downfalls, I would recommend this book – just skip straight to the techniques section.

Boys, it’s not that you don’t know what to do – it’s that you get lazy. Remind yourselves what your fingertips, lips, and the tip of your tongue are meant to be doing by picking up a copy of How To Give Her Absolute Pleasure from Amazon!